Review

Tecmo Bowl Kickoff For The DS: An Instant Review

December 04, 2008

dasgamer_tecmobowl_lead Tecmo Bowl Kickoff For The DS: An Instant Review
metaphisto74: yo dude

corpse374: ha

metaphisto74: alrighty
DS
the revamp of Tecmo Bowl…
what is it called? Kickoff?

corpse374: kickoff is correct

metaphisto74: did it kickoff a new era of Bowl’in for you?

corpse374: It kicked it out of bounds, which is a penalty

metaphisto74: haha
I remember you were mesmerized by the NES version…I mean months upon months of playtime even when the other 16-bit consoles were already out.
what made Tecmo so fucking awesome?

corpse374: real teams, real players (sorry QB Bills & QB Eagles) season stats kept, big in 1990.

metaphisto74: were there cheerleaders in that version?

corpse374: there was a halftime graphic…. which you used to be able to skip through.

metaphisto74: you can’t in the new version?

corpse374: no, granted it’s maybe 5 seconds long

metaphisto74: oh ok
So, no nip slips or Prince shows?

corpse374: the likeness of the female body IS better in this version

metaphisto74: digi tits?

corpse374: digi cheerleader top, noticable side profile

metaphisto74: hard nipples?

corpse374: it’s got an E rating

metaphisto74: booooo
ok
so when you booted up Kickoff, I’m sure you were pretty excited. What was the first thing that killed it for you?

corpse374: that i was sold a bowl of vanilla ice cream, and had to cross a desert for the jimmies

metaphisto74: oooch…that’s too far for the jimmies

corpse374: i guess i noticed how bland the teams were, then how bland the customization was…

metaphisto74: I thought you could customize every team and build all your players?

corpse374: yes you can give 1 of 32 teams 1 of 16 helmet varieties
well there are a decent amount of colors, and you can even spend time to give the teams their correct names, and come close to matching the accurate uniform colors alot of time

metaphisto74: so with a LOT of effort you could kind of tweak it to refelct current lineups in the NFL?

corpse374: yes, but not even come close to accurate skill representation, which is where the vanilla comes in
basically every player sucks
on every team
equally

metaphisto74: speaking of skill representation, this is what Wikipedia has to say, correct me if it’s wrong…”almost any pass thrown to a covered receiver resulted in an interception, and it was unrealistically easy to block field goals and extra points. Also, many teams had one pass play that, with the proper timing, was nearly unstoppable against any defense.”
this is referring to the old title of course…

corpse374: yes and no
the users team never intercepted as much as cpu
it was easy to get near the kicker to block fg’s and xp’s, but not unrealistically easy to actually get the block
and if you knew where to pass the ball, you could beat any defense, yes

metaphisto74: so what about the new gameplay? was it easier to maneuver around the DS or do you prefer the rockin’ old NES controller…shit this game’s almost 20 years old this February

corpse374: the old controller, but the playbooks have not changed, so a dive up the middle works just the same
i will also mention another turnoff was having to play right to left across the screen
that shit is strictly player 2 and cpu shit

metaphisto74: anything new and exciting in the control scheme? do you have to blow in the microphone to watch a cheerleader giggle or some shit like that?

corpse374: you can zig, and zag with the stylus, and don’t forget to tap the return man on punts in the end zone. Don’t want to get safetied

metaphisto74: can you do a Lambeau Leap?

corpse374: some updated celebration graphics, but nothing worth noting, like a lambeau leap, or ickey shuffle

metaphisto74: haha
so if Tecmo didn’t implode and they had the chance to resurrect this title yet again, what would be the one quick fix they could make this a classic reborn (minus the fact that EA has all the licenses and Tecmo won’t ever regain them)?

corpse374: hard, one wouldn’t do it. I guess the players having some built in stats would be nice. As if there are already all stars in the Tecmo universe. At least let us start out with a strawberry swirl in our ice cream.

metaphisto74: swiiiiiiiiiirlin’
did you return the game already?

corpse374: yes

metaphisto74: damn
how long did you have it for?

corpse374: i got it last tuesday, when did we last go…sunday?
saturday?

metaphisto74: you could have at least let me see the cheerleader’s tits before returning it…
oh well
thanks dude

corpse374: brah

metaphisto74: ppppppp

DAS VERDICT: Punt this lil’ fucker far away from the Christmas tree.

By metaphisto74 (Jonathan Lees) and corpse374 (Devin Gray)